


Oikawa's Broken Dick

by Mickey_99



Series: Haikyuu Soulmates AU [14]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Comedy, Funny, Glitter, M/M, RIP Oikawa, Stripping, akaashi is done
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-06-16
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:26:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24746050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mickey_99/pseuds/Mickey_99
Summary: This is the story of the broken dick.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Hinata Shouyou/Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Iwaizumi Hajime/Kageyama Tobio/Oikawa Tooru
Series: Haikyuu Soulmates AU [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1736596
Comments: 36
Kudos: 253





	Oikawa's Broken Dick

**Author's Note:**

> have fun.. these are just some short one shots that i couldn't fit inside of the actual series... enjoy

Hinata didn’t know what to expect when he stepped up his front walkway and heard music blasting from inside his house. Maybe a party. Maybe one of Kenma’s late night Mario Cart races against Bokuto. Maybe even Satori sneaking into his house and pulling out another one of his all-night manga writing binges. (Satori often came over to Hinata’s house to draw. Apparently one of his characters was based on Hinata). Hinata was not expecting to open the door and have his house practically puke glitter at him.

Hinata stood there for a moment taking the scene in. Oikawa was break dancing and twerking in the middle of his dining room table. Which by the way, was covered in glitter. Oikawa was also only wearing a very tight pair of jeans. Next to him stood Kuroo, or rather sat Kuroo. Or whatever you would call sitting into the splits and grinding on the table. Kuroo was also half naked. Though probably the most problematic and concerning, was Bokuto. Bokuto, who had managed somehow to jump onto the ceiling fan and was proudly naked and spinning around overtop of his living room. Not only that but glitter from his body was snowing onto the living room furniture and carpet.

Hinata took a deep breath in through his nose and removed his shoes before trying to find Kenma. Kenma was a sane person. Kenma would help him.

…

Kenma was hiding in the closet playing Mario Kart.

“Are you going to help he stop them before they break something?” Hinata asks Kenma.

Kenma looks up from his game briefly to give Hinata a small smile,” You left me alone with them… suffer.”

Hinata looks indignantly at the only other calm person in the house. “I was gone for twenty minutes,” Hinata says,” I didn’t know they could do this in that amount of time.”

“It only took Bokuto 2 minutes to get naked and make himself into a glitter shower,” Kenma says looking over the top of his game,” I thought you knew better than to underestimate him by now. Besides don’t act like this is something you wouldn’t do.”

“I don’t deny that I might be hyper and have bad ideas,” Hinata says,” But I don’t get naked and dance on tables. What are they even doing!?”

As if to answer his question loud shouting began to resound from downstairs.

“I AM OBVIOUSLY THE BETTER STRIPPER,” Hinata hears Oikawa’s voice resound throughout the house,” LOOK AT MY FUCKING ASS WORK!!!”

“YOU DON’T HAVE AN ASS BITCH,” this time it was Kuroo’s voice,” YOU ARE FLAT AS A FUCKING BOARD. THIS TABLE IS LIVING FOR MY MOVES!!!”

“GUYS!?” There was Bokuto,” I AM SPINNING REALLY FAST AND I AM REALLY DIZZY. I THINK I AM STARTING TO HEAR COLORS.”

Hinata suddenly feels the urge to knock his head through a wall. Sighing Hinata pulls out his phone.

**_The Fucked-up Siblings Group chat_ **

**_Hinata Shouyou:_ ** _Alright, Tobio and Keiji. I really need you at my house… Like now… Bokuto-san is stuck on my ceiling fan… Oikawa is going to break something… Kuroo is being Kuroo._

**_Bokuto Keiji:_ ** _Oh God._

**_Kageyama Tobio:_ ** _Like are we talking breaking a vase or breaking a bone?_

**_Hinata Shouyou:_ ** _Both probably._

As if to prove his point, there is a loud crash from downstairs. Hinata rushes down the stairs just in time to see a second plate break as it is knocked off of the table.

There is a knock on the door and Hinata sighs in relief, thanking god that all of them live on the same street. He opens the door and watches as the two men take in the scene in front of them.

“Who left them alone and unsupervised,” Akaashi asks with his head in his hands.

“I LEFT FOR 20 FUCKING MINUTES,” Hinata screams. “AND KENMA WAS HERE.”

“They once released 100 Mentos into a tub of coke inside the house,” Kageyama says.

“Yeah but 20 minutes isn’t that long,” Hinata responds.

“They once released fireworks inside of the house thinking it would be okay as long as they shot them out of the chimney,” Akaashi deadpans.

“To be fair that was mainly Koutarou.”

“They once made my entire living room into a ball pit and then put snakes at the bottom of it so that they could shoot an adventure movie inside my house,” Kageyama says.

“And who left them unsupervised that time,” Hinata says glaring at Kageyama.

“Not the point.” The young setter responds.

“GUYS!!!” Hinata hears Bokuto yell,” I CAN FEEL COLORS!!!”

“Oh, dear god,” Akaashi says,” Koutarou drop down and I will catch you.”

Akaashi steps over and moves the coffee table so that it doesn’t get in the way of what was already a bad situation. Akaashi waits for Bokuto to drop and Bokuto does. But Akaashi misjudged how he was going to fall.

Hinata winces as Bokuto knocks Akaashi over and land on top of him in all his naked glory.

“Akaashi,” Bokuto says smiling like an idiot, still dazed from the constant spinning,” I think I’ve fallen for you.”

“Technically you have fallen on top of me,” Akaashi responds grumpily, before blushing as he realizes a very naked Bokuto is straddling him in the middle of his brother’s living room,” Koutarou, where are your clothes?”

“I burned them,” Bokuto says seriously. There is no question to his voice. Only pure honesty with a hint of determination.

Akaashi throws his hands over his face. “Koutarou why did you burn your clothes?”

“Tetsuro said the best strippers had no need for clothing, so I showed I was a better stripper than all of them and burned all my clothes.” Bokuto says.

There was a moment of silence that hung in the air. The only noise that was in the air was in fact from the kitchen where it sounded like the strip off had entered into almost a death match of twerking.

“Koutarou,” Akaashi says calmly,” Go upstairs and find some clothes to borrow… We need to go buy you new clothes.”

Akaashi somehow manages to get the complaining Bokuto dressed and out of the door. The entire time Akaashi looked ready to give up on life.

“I wish you luck,” Akaashi says looking exhausted already,” But I need to get Bokuto some new clothes. Tell Kuroo that we will return these tomorrow.”

Hinata nods, also very exhausted before walking with Kageyama into the kitchen. “How do we get them to stop?” Hinata asks glumly.

“We don’t.” Kageyama says simply. “We do not wield the power of Hajime, and therefore we do not have the ability to stop them.”

No sooner had he said that was Oikawa launching himself into the air off the table. Oikawa was now stripped completely. Pale ass fully on display. It was almost as if time moved in slow motion. Hinata knew what Oikawa meant to do. Oikawa had meant to jump off the table and land in the splits on the kitchen floor. But Oikawa also misjudged the distance he had to jump to clear the chairs. At the same time as Oikawa left the table, Kuroo went for a backflip. They both landed at the same time. There was the sound of breaking wood, and then the yell of pain that came from Oikawa.

“FUCK!” Oikawa yells,” I JUST BROKE MY FUCKING DICK!!!”

Beside Hinata on the ground writhing from the bond of pain was Kageyama. And in the middle of the now, very broken table was Kuroo.

Yeah, they had broken stuff. And Hinata still wanted to know how they covered the ceiling in glitter.

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**Author's Note:**

> let me know if you want more


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